ahh i'm back.. finally, after a total of almost 24hours of travelling on the train. it's god damn inconvenient.. the trip wasn't as bad as i thought, but the thing is when u step into the place, the "sg atmosphere" is back, u gotta greet, sit properly when boss is talking, lots of show to put up in front of pple.. that's something i've gotta learn to live with, because i can foresee that there will be more occasions that we have to report there.. anyway.. i sprained the same ankle again, and somehow i knew it was going to happen when i decided to pack my soccer boots in at the last minute. bad choice.

god dammit i hate myself. why am i so stupid? i've been getting shit results in the range of 50s to 70s.. and we all know that's not good enough to pass the tests.. 3 more wks to exam, i really ought to sort myself out. i'm not absorbing the lessons taught for the past 2 days. yes i know some lessons are boring, and i dont see myself doing anything mechanical on the aircraft in future, but if there's a requirement to attend airframes and engines, i'm sure there's a need for it.

i really need to do something about this drop in form.

all kinds of weird dreams recently.. and i've been dreaming bout pple i havent contacted for a long long time, even though we used to talk almost everyday but somehow things just drifted and maybe for the past year or so we talked online for 3-4 times? it's really weird.. not forgetting the weird dreams about war and things like that.. haha, but it feels good to be scrambling for that falcon.. though i'd prefer the eagle, if u get wad i mean ;)

i've been really really distracted in class today, and i can't seem to focus.. in meteorology lessons, it just teaches us so many ways we can die, and i absolutely have no idea wad's going on for airframe and engines, even though i always say "yes" and "ok" and ask hell of alot of questions.. and somehow, i got a very bad feeling about this trip.. even though i dont take it as a holiday, but from the failure rate so far, i know it's not an easy task to make it through.. of course, tan was the first to graduate from france, and people in sg say he's so good he's as qualified as a cat b personnel upon graduation..

i'm starting to feel worried. i feel that i'm damn cui. this thing requires talent, and i'm kinda scared i'm not good enough.. even though on the surface it seems that i'm the fastest amongst the 3 of us, deep down i'm worried and unsure about my abilities.. do i really have what it takes? it's not a good time to have my morale down, but i really am afraid.. gab says i'm unduly worried and i should just focus at this point of time.. question is, how to? everything suddenly seems so difficult, i don't know why, but it's just a subjective statement.. i dont know if i'm cui because i'm cui as a student, or i'm cui as a person..

is there something wrong with me?

i'm freaking pissed, why is everybody behaving in such a selfish manner? and why must i be always on the compromising end of things?

we planned to shop for groceries around 4, so we can cook immediately when we get back..
one comes and say:"i want to go at 130, cuz i wanna eat macs"
reluctantly, we all changed plans to go at 130..

at 130, when i'm all changed and leaving, suddenly they say "change to 2pm"
puzzled, i went over to find out why..
"... wants to talk a bit more"

when it was abruptly brought forward to 130, i was already pissed, since the plans of the day were already disturbed.. then i thought to myself, ok let's just go buy and come back quickly, so i can still take a nap and study before the dinner..

quote of the day : "why do people make plans, when nobody intends to stick to them?"

haha, this is how my leg looks like on the 4th day, dont be fooled by how it looks.. in fact, i think it's either i'm wolverine, or the icy mistral winds have some healing factor..

this is why i say so:

friday night, sprained it, cant walk.

saturday, couldn't put it on the floor.

sunday, can put on the floor but cant walk.

monday, CAN WALK ALREADY!! though it's with a limp, but still.. i'm walking!

haha, today wasn't that good, kept falling asleep in class.. i should really do something about it, halfway through the lessons, i asked myself the question: "how much do u really want this?" and that convinced me to pay attention for the rest of it all, it's kind of difficult when what i really want to do is to go out there and sit in the aircraft, but wad i'm doing now is just sitting in the classroom.. kinda sucks. but i know this is a pre-requisite.. so i'll just have to suck it up and sit in class for now..

some updates on the pple in sg, and a little discussion went on, thankfully he's going to bed, if not i wouldnt be able to squirm out of that spot.. haha god dammit.. we'll see after some time, right?

the calling to get fat. this ankle means no exercise for ___ weeks at least.. shit.

i was having great fun in the go karting and laser quest, all the way till i sprained this stupid ankle of mine.. it's not the first time spraining it, but the recent ones seems to get worse as it has the slow-motion "crack-crack-crack" sound.. ahhah.. SHIT! i really hope i can walk the long distance to class on monday..

been having a bit of weird dreams the past few days.. haha seem to be dreaming of all the pple back in sg, even those frens whom i havent contacted for a long time.. tsktsk..

today was such a bad day.. a bad start to the week. so much so i regret playing dota last night..

i thought i revised, but in fact, i dont know anything about the charts.. well, i know bits and pieces of information, but it's not the complete deal, and as a professional, that's a "no-go" according to coach. coach seemed really disappointed with us, and he skipped the whole topic of navigation and went on to teach instrumentation instead..

went for a 30 mins run to destress and did alot of pull ups till i feel my arms burning.. sigh. hope tmr will be a better day..

initially before we came over, we decided not to go back to singapore in dec, we all agreed, and now everybody's backing out. i dont want to fork out 1.9k just to go back for about 10 days. coach said it's ok for me to stay here alone even if the 2 of them decides to go back.. hahaha, perhaps i could go ski-ing at the alps? ;)

just got back from my trip to lyon, overall it was quite a boring trip i think.. and spent alot of money! heart pain can.. the train ride costs about 45 euros, the accomodation was around 58 euros, total spent on food was about 70 euros.. ouch.. and i didn't exactly shop cuz i brought alot of clothes with me, and since winter is coming, most of the clothes on display were jackets and things like that.. waiting for the summer sales to come! haha.. time to study, exercise a bit and dota before i slp!